Hi! Happy Thursday! How’s your week been going?
Something that I’ve failed to mention with all the other exciting things happening lately – this is my birthday week! I turn 25 tomorrow. So I get to experience my first birthday in the mountains right away. I’ll be celebrating in Banff and Amanda’s coming down, so needless to say, I can’t wait!
So now that we all know that I’m living in Canmore with Jo, I want to talk a little bit about how I ended up making the decision to come here.
I should start off by saying that I am a Type A personality to the core. I obsess over details, I plan everything in advance, and if things don’t go the way I plan them, I start to lose my shit. If you asked me 6-8 months ago where my life would be in 5 years, I could have told you exactly what I pictured happening. Engaged or married to my then-boyfriend. Maybe a baby and a house by then, but at least a plan to get those two things underway. Graduated and working in London, Ontario, where I’ve been most of my life. For years, I had been watching my friends and family grow up, settle down, buy houses and start families. So I figured that was where my life was going.
But as much as I didn’t want to admit it to myself, I was unhappy, and been been for a while. I was trying to put myself into the mold of what I should be, rather than what was right for me. I had been holding onto things that weren’t right, simply because I was afraid of what would happen without them. I had been ignoring my gut instincts about this ‘life plan’ of mine for ages, to the point where it felt like I was suffocating. I had started talking to friends about my unhappiness, but I wasn’t at the point yet where I could follow through with what I needed to do.
Finally, in a fit of insomnia, I found myself pounding out an email to Jo in the middle of the night about how I had been feeling. I knew I had a connection with her and she felt like the right person to turn to. And she basically told me exactly what I needed to hear – that it was ok. It was ok that I was feeling the way I did, and it was ok to really follow my heart and my gut instincts and to make the necessary changes. At that point I mentioned to her that I had been thinking about coming out West to look for work, which she encouraged and we started throwing around the idea of me staying with her.
After my conversation with her and some other close friends, I knew what I needed to do in order to really be happy and discover my authentic self.
I ended my relationship. I defended my thesis (both of those happened in the same week, by the way) and finished up school. I moved back into my parents and lived in a camping trailer in their garage (seriously).
I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders – I was free to really discover myself.
I still couldn’t shake the idea of moving out West – the thought was constantly in the back of my head. But quite honestly, I was terrified to make that change. I found myself looking inward and asking the Universe for guidance.
A few days later, I was driving to a friends house, looking for my turn on the left side of the street. Inexplicably, my eyes were drawn to the right and I found myself staring directly at one of the street signs.
Later that night, I went in to my parent’s room to use their TV. It was the first time I had even looked at it since I had moved back home. I turned it on, and noticed what channel it was turned to:
The Calgary News.
Basically, I had been asking for my sign, and the Universe was sending them my way. So, Jo and I turned the idea of me moving in into a solid plan, and I worked out with my parents how I was going to get here. I’m not quite in Calgary, but I’m 45 minutes away, which I think is what was supposed to happen. Once I was set in my decision to move, everything fell into place surprisingly easily.
And now, here I am.
I’d be lying if I said this move was easy for me. Moving there goes far beyond leaving my comfort zone – it’s leaving it 4000 kilometres behind. Leaving behind family and friends is a scary thing. Even knowing that my intuition was telling me I was making the right move, I had so many questions.
What if I hate it?
What if I can’t find a job?
What if I don’t meet people or make friends easily?
What if I don’t fit in?
Basically, there was a lot of fear holding me back and tripping me up. My ego (yes, I’ve been reading a lot of Gabrielle Bernstein lately) was trying to keep me stuck in my fear and rooted in one place.
But I decided to face those fears, abandon any sense of ‘plan’ that I had in the past, and head to the mountains.
And this is where I need to be right now. I’m here to grow as a person, to get some new life experiences, and truly discover my authentic self. I’m here to learn how to put plans aside and embrace life as it comes to me.
Spotted in the window at a store in downtown Canmore. I may have to go back for it.
Once again, thank you for all the support in this journey!
Have a good one!
<— What’s the biggest life change you’ve ever made?
<— Do you struggle with following your intuition?
<— Have you ever noticed a ‘sign’ after you’ve been hoping for one?