Good morning and happy Monday! If you’re in the US, happy Memorial Day – I hope you have the day off and are making the most of it. I will be in my office today, trying not to be too jealous
But yes – I am back from my trip to Ottawa. 5 1/2 hours one way car ride – and only went up for two days. I feel like most of my 4 day weekend was spent in a car! But, the conference that I attended Friday was a success, and I got to spend a little bit of time with my cousin on Saturday morning before I left. Chelsie and I were hoping to meet up on Thursday, but unfortunately, both of our busy schedules made that impossible. However, this just means that I’ll have to make another trip up – or I’ll have to force her to come down to these parts
So I’m saving the majority of conference for my WIAW post this week, but there was one particularly marvelous aspect of the conference that I wanted to address. Because it’s that day of the week where we make a point of talking about marvelous things!
Thank you to the marvelous diva herself for hosting!
So back in the ED days, I was pretty reserved. The ED had it drilled in my head that I was not worthy of people’s attention, so I wouldn’t seek it. In fact, I think my goal a lot of the time was to keep myself as invisible as possible. Whether I was in class or in a social situation, I was the girl hiding in the corner, counting down the moments until I could leave and get home to my ‘safe’ space again. I convinced myself that I was shy and and introvert, and that I didn’t really like being around people. Yet another lie to add to the list that the ED told me.
Throughout recovery, I slowly began to emerge from the shell I had built for myself. And I learned – I actually like being around people. I still need my alone time, but I do enjoy conversing with people and getting to know them, talking about anything and everything. This is something that I’ve learned to appreciate in a small class setting in my MA program; the exchanging of information and ideas, leading to some fascinating discussions. Although I held myself back quite a bit from participating, slowly I began to open up more in class and in social settings and contribute to conversation, becoming more confident in my ideas and what I had to say.
In my ED, I had no self-confidence. I had no sense of self-worth, convincing myself that I had nothing valuable to contribute and other people would not be interested in my thoughts. I thought that I wasn’t memorable, and was better off fading into the woodwork.
I realized on Friday that those thoughts and feelings are gone. While my self-confidence could use a bit of work sometimes, generally I’m a lot more comfortable and confident with expressing myself and contributing to conversations. I’m more comfortable in social situations and can honestly say that I adore getting the chance to meet everyone that I can. I feel more assured and confident in approaching people and making my thoughts and opinions known.
One of the organizers of the conference was an old prof of mine from Brescia – actually, I took one of his courses in second year, and I can easily consider it my favourite course. I was absolutely convinced that he would not remember me. It had been four years since I had taken his course, and I had spent most of the time hiding in the back corner of the room, refusing to participate (except for one time when, during a skit, I got to play the role of stripper. True story). Who would remember that?
Well, he did – both by name and by face (by face was particularly surprising, considering that it was my second year of uni that I was at my worst in the ED) so I got the chance to catch up with him a little bit. It served as a reminder – even if I wasn’t particularly active in that class, I was still memorable. Just by being there, people were noticing me and deemed me worthy of remembering years later.
I held onto that feeling throughout the day and used it to meet and talk with all sorts of brilliant people; before, I would have considered myself so beneath them that I wouldn’t have been worth their time. In fact, I even approached my ‘academic crush’ (in the sense that I think he’s absolutely brilliant and I think the research he does is groundbreaking) and held him in conversation for a while. AND I talked to him about my thesis project, which he told me sounded great — something that is amazing to hear from someone you admire so much!
So to sum everything up – I’m actually confident and comfortable enough with myself these days to consider myself worthy and deserving of other people’s attention; something I didn’t have for so long. It’s another piece of me that the ED had stolen from me, but I’ve taken it back again. And that makes me, so, so happy. I have self-confidence these days, and I am definitely owning it
Other marvelous things from my weekend:
I tried Katie‘s half green tea/half lime refresher on Thursday. Umm, lady’s a genius – it was amazing.
We stopped for lunch at an on-route on the way up, and I got a Spring Fever pita from Extreme Pita – greens, chicken, goat cheese, berries, dried cranberries and balsamic vinaigrette. The best part was my last bite; just a little bit of pita stuffed with goat cheese. I mentally added goat chevre to my grocery list right then – my favourite cheese ever.
Saturday morning before I left, my cousin took me out for breakfast at Tutti Frutti. I got the panini crepe – a whole wheat crepe stuffed with eggs, ham and swiss, pressed and grilled. A massive pile of fruit on the side.
We stopped at The Q Chicken and Ribs on the way home from Ottawa for an early dinner – the driver was my friend Nate, and he recommended it. We got starter coleslaw, and then I ordered chicken souvlaki. Cannot get enough tzatziki these days!
Of course, the highlight was coming home to my boys Obviously, both were glad to see me, but Atticus went nuts when I came in the door – puppy missed me! Eric and I have discussed this at length and we agree that he is definitely a momma’s boy.
Holy massive post. If you read it all, kudos to you!
Whether you’re on vacation today or not, have a great one!
<— Are you off work today? Are you relaxing are keeping busy?
<— Generally, do you think that you’re self confident? Does it come naturally, or do you have to work for it?
<— What was the last dish you ordered in a restaurant?